i was raped.
9 months ago.
***
i went to the ER.
i went through the rape kit.
the results came back.
i wasn't lying.
i didn't press charges.
it would have been a trial from hell and i did not want to put myself or my family through that.
selfish? yes. why not bring a rapist to justice?
because i was intoxicated and when awoken by this act of horror, i didn't run.
i just begged for it to stop.
and apparently a jury would think that was suspicious of me.
and that's not the worst of it. for me at least.
***
i see this person a few times a week.
an apology came and went.
then news of his unborn child hit my ears.
how can someone so ugly and dangerous become a parent?
why do i have to be the brave one each day?
why do i have to hide the hurt because no one will derail me from my goals?
am i crazy?
i believe karma took my babies away from me.
that i did something so bad, that life and the heavens would punish me.
what about this monster?
karma brings him a child of his own? gives him a promotion?
my days of being naive and vulnerable are gone.
***
***
i am hardened and hurting.
but i smile through it.
and that is getting tiring.
so, i am telling you my story because sometimes i need your love and support.
sometimes i just need a hug.
and my dad to come back and beat the living shit out of him.
but since that can't happen, i will continue to be a survivor.
i will try to move forward and not let someone hold me back from living.
and if you are reading this and are loved dearly by me but i never said anything, it was because i couldn't.
and now i can, publicly for the world to hear.
43 comments:
Support and love will always be sent your way. Seems like you have suffered way to much to handle. You are so strong and so loved. Thinking of you! xoxo
I'm so angry that this happened to you. Sending you love and support. <3
I am so sorry this happened to you Summer. I just want to say, I don't know why god hasn't given you a forever baby yet...but it isn't because of karma. You are a good person, who didn't deserve what was done to you. Thinking about you.
Summer there is nothing I can say that will take the hurt away. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Such a beautiful person both inside and out deserves so much better. Praying things turn around for you soon. Hugs friend.
Sending love, warmth and hope your way.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, Summer.
Sweets I am so sorry to hear this. I am praying for you. Thinking of you.
i've never been the person who knows what to say... who knows what words could possibly help... the best i can usually do is just sit with you- be there for you.
so this is me sitting with you. you don't have to say anything, and i won't come up with some line that ultimately falls flat.
I can't even fathom the courage it took to share, but you are one strong woman moving forward. Sending big prayers & thoughts to you!
Oh sweet girl, you have bared far more heart ache the past few years than most people do in a lifetime and it's not fair.
I hate to hear that you had to suffer through this and continue to suffer from this. Hopefully some kind of justice/karma will be brought against this horrible person.
*hugs*
I am sending you hugs...
That is probably the bravest thing I've ever seen in my life.
You are so strong...
On days that are hard & you wonder that, remind yourself.
& you just made someone else stronger with this post
I am sitting here with my jaw hanging to the floor and my eyes filled with tears to the brim. No words. Nothing can make this right. Nothing can make it better or ease any pain. I am at a loss. And I will always love you.
Oh sweet Summer.
You poor, poor girl.
We are here for you. I am here for you. No words will take away your pain but know that you're right here. Right in my heart. Love you. Love you. Love you.
You are the strongest person that I have ever known. Life has played you the most unfair hand. You have somehow overcome loss after loss, and bad experience after bad experience. You have overcome these bad things by not only continuing to live life with a smile, but to thrive, and to push forward. We are all here for you and want you to know that none of these bad things are your fault. There is no logical reason or karma to justify anything that has happened. You are here on this earth for a special purpose. You are truly a special, strong, gorgeous and wonderful woman. You are here to be strong for others who have given up hope. To show other women that no matter what life has handed them that life is worth living. I am praying for you. I am sending angels to hold you and to hug you. To ease your pain. My heart breaks for you. But always know you have a fire in you that few have. You have looked into the face of death, sorrow, loss and abuse. You have continued to live. You are my hero.
I'm praying for you. I refuse to say I know how you feel but I will say I can relate. Sadly, I can. I think you are absolutely awesome.
Horrified and sad to hear this :( I am so sorry. All I wish for you is peace, happiness and that the universe chooses to shine down on you in 2013 and reward your strength and courage with only good things, instead of continuing to test you.
Lots of love, support and positive thoughts being sent your way. I know that whatever I say won't take your hurt and pain away so please just know that I'm thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
And no, you are not crazy. *HUGS*
Summer, I am so horrified to read this, you poor sweet girl, how can this have happened to you....I have tears in my eyes, honestly.
I cannot imagine how you are living with this, although I know you are strong & brave....and if anyone can get up in the morning & hold their head up high it is you.
I can only say that I hope you are getting support and, possibly, counselling.
You deserve good things sweetheart, life is so unfair....I hate this for you.
Much love you special girl,
Simone XX
Oh Summer, I am so so sorry for the unbelievable amount of heartache that you have had to bare. It is completely unfair. I continue to pray for you and this seemingly never-ending hard time. KNOW that you are loved. Especially by God, even though it may not seem like it. Lots of hugs, kisses and prayers for you! Xoxoxo
Oh Summer, my heart is so broken by this. I am so sorry that this happened to you. You deserve such good things and it seems like you have been asked to bear more than any one person should. You're in my thoughts and in my heart!
I am so sorry this happened to you. I wish I had something to say to make it better; but that's impossible. I am sending you love and prayers. I wish I could give you a big hug and sit with you. You are a beautiful lady inside and out. I think of you very often and send loving, positive, hopeful feelings your way. You have had to endure soo much, and these things are not your fault. I love you. I love you. I love you. (((hugs)))
Love and support is what is always needed and what you always receive from my side of the world!!
I can not imagine how you feel, but I feel awful reading this. I am praying for you. You are incredibly brave. I am sending you hugs and love.
Oh my Lord. No. This can not happen to you...my heart is breaking. My soul is crushed. I want to give you a big hug and tell you I'm here. I'm not. Oh Summer you don't deserve such heartache. I love you so much and you sparkle in every way in my eyes. How could someone take that from you? OMG. I am so mad. My heart bleeds for you right now. I'm so sorry...I'm praying for you always.
Much love, Becky
Oh my Lord. No. This can not happen to you...my heart is breaking. My soul is crushed. I want to give you a big hug and tell you I'm here. I'm not. Oh Summer you don't deserve such heartache. I love you so much and you sparkle in every way in my eyes. How could someone take that from you? OMG. I am so mad. My heart bleeds for you right now. I'm so sorry...I'm praying for you always.
Much love, Becky
Oh my Lord. No. This can not happen to you...my heart is breaking. My soul is crushed. I want to give you a big hug and tell you I'm here. I'm not. Oh Summer you don't deserve such heartache. I love you so much and you sparkle in every way in my eyes. How could someone take that from you? OMG. I am so mad. My heart bleeds for you right now. I'm so sorry...I'm praying for you always.
Much love, Becky
Oh Summer. Sweet beautiful Summer. I am just heartbroken to hear this for you. My heart is forever with you especially now knowing this. It is never right regardless and that dispicable person will have to answer for their actions one day. I was sexually assaulted in college and I know the pain of keeping something like this to yourself. You are brave and wonderful and I adore you xox Please let me know if you need anything, I'd be happy to listen to you anytime. Sending you sweet hugs my friend xoxoxo
Oh Summer. I know nothing I say can really help. But please know you're in my thoughts and I love you and you are so brave for sharing this.
Sending you so much love.
Summer, I am so shocked and heartbroken to read this. I don't understand how someone as loving and giving as you has to endure such heartache and loss, and I have to believe that you will be met with an overwhelming amount of love and happiness. I will keep praying for that very day. Just know that we are all here for you, and you are loved by many:)
Hey Sum Sum...I haven't read blogs in quite a long time. It's hard to blog when your life seems to be falling apart...& I give you major props for even sharing your feelings about making it through the horrible situations you have been through in life! Situations that NOBODY deserves in their life. Especially such a beautiful person inside & out like YOU. Maybe someday I'll share my own thoughts again, but I just haven't gotten that positive mentality back to get into blogging.
Becky called me on my way home & told me to go read your blog. My heart aches for you & people have told me too, "I don't know how you do it...I don't know how you make it through all the tough times". But, with love, faith & support from friends & family, we somehow survive all the heartaches, huh? Something good HAS to come out of all this bad? Summer, I know in my heart that good things will come to you & Adam. Don't EVER doubt that you deserve any less. We all have our flaws - NOBODY is perfect! You project such positive energy & a beautiful spirit within & that is what touches me about you. I truly love you, even though I've never met you in person. I hope someday I will get to. Things are getting better in my life, but they aren't perfect. You keep your chin up & don't ever let anyone tell you that you don't deserve the best! Always thinking happy thoughts for my Sum Sum... <3
Sending hugs your way xoxoxo
sending so much love your way. you're the strongest.
summer, you did what was right for you. and that took strength. i made the same decision many years ago. my heart is with you. sending you so much love!
i am horrified, and sending a million good thoughts and wishes your way. i really have nothing i could say that would be appropriate, but my thoughts are with you and adam. xo
Thank you for sharing this. I know this feeling too.
Oh gosh Summer... I don't even know what to say :( I wish I could do something, anything!
I do want to say that I don't believe Karma took your babies though - you reached out to me, at a time when you were suffering so much more than me (to an extent I didn't even realise) you are so so kind and thoughtful, even when you have no reason to be... you may not be getting back what you give to the world yet, but you will, I know it, I believe in your good karma because its touched my life even across all the distance between us.
Also, I personally want to go beat the shit of this guy and also any jury that would be suspicious in this kind of case, wtf!
sending you all the love and support you need, and like you said :) I'm hear to listen. Always. xxx
You are in my thoughts sweet lady. Love and hugs to you as well as strength and peace.
i am so sorry you had to go through this. i am just so so sorry. there are no other words. i am sending you love, good vibes, positie energy and will be keeping you in my thoughts. take care dear lady...
This is so heartbreaking!! I only know you from your blog but you are truly a strong woman. I am so sorry you have to be strong for this reason though. Hugs X 100!!
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry that this happened to you! This is so horrible!! You are so strong!
Summer. I'm speechless.
Literally.
That's all I can say.
I'm so sorry this happened.
-Kristen
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