i was raped.
9 months ago.
i went to the ER.
i went through the rape kit.
the results came back.
i wasn't lying.
i didn't press charges.
it would have been a trial from hell and i did not want to put myself or my family through that.
selfish? yes. why not bring a rapist to justice?
because i was intoxicated and when awoken by this act of horror, i didn't run.
i just begged for it to stop.
and apparently a jury would think that was suspicious of me.
and that's not the worst of it. for me at least.
i see this person a few times a week.
an apology came and went.
then news of his unborn child hit my ears.
how can someone so ugly and dangerous become a parent?
why do i have to be the brave one each day?
why do i have to hide the hurt because no one will derail me from my goals?
am i crazy?
i believe karma took my babies away from me.
that i did something so bad, that life and the heavens would punish me.
what about this monster?
karma brings him a child of his own? gives him a promotion?
my days of being naive and vulnerable are gone.
i am hardened and hurting.
but i smile through it.
and that is getting tiring.
so, i am telling you my story because sometimes i need your love and support.
sometimes i just need a hug.
and my dad to come back and beat the living shit out of him.
but since that can't happen, i will continue to be a survivor.
i will try to move forward and not let someone hold me back from living.
and if you are reading this and are loved dearly by me but i never said anything, it was because i couldn't.
and now i can, publicly for the world to hear.