Sandy

Just a few shots from my street and building.

We are in a hotel.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

My D&C is being rescheduled. I will know more after 1PM EST today.

XO,

Summer

dark and light

Even through another loss, I am trying to find the good that has come from it.

I will never understand why we have had to experience all of this pain but I do know it could be worse. It could always be worse.

Am I sad? 

Deeply saddened.

Am I angry? 

Sometimes.

Am I trying to move forward? 

Yes, but only between long naps and little cries.

I need to change a lot before I become a mother.

I am not the best person that I can be.

I need to care more for the people I love than care about a career or people that won't care about me in a month.

I need to find my place in this world. 

And I think what is the hardest is still feeling so pregnant.
Nauseated. Boobs are huge and sore. Peeing like a racehorse.
Bah.

Wednesday is my D&C, if Sandy allows it to happen still.

xo
Sum

Hope in a heartbeat.

I am not really sure who still reads this blog.

Maybe you follow me more on Instagram, Facebook or even Twitter.

But, the latest news is:

A few weeks ago, at 7 weeks, Summer heard Baby B's heartbeat. Today at 10 weeks, the heartbeat was gone. Baby B died at 9 weeks. Please keep two of the strongest people in your hearts during yet another loss that they are forced to bear. And keep hope that the next heartbeat they hear lasts forever.

This was Baby B's first photo.

A heartbeat.

I heard it and tears rolled down my cheeks.

A due date.

Less than 10% chance of miscarriage.

But, Baby B's heart stopped somewhere in between 9 and 10 weeks.

We were so close to having that healthy baby we have hoped for.

Another loss.

1 ectopic. 2 D&C's.

Mine is scheduled for Wednesday.

I am really not sure why this keeps happening.

But we heard a heartbeat and Baby B grew more than the rest.

Will the next have a heartbeat forever?

I am okay. Adam is not.

Then again, am I really okay?

Am I just being me?

Bringing out the fighter?

Finding that hope again? Or trying to?

Before...

The bathroom, kitchen and bedroom will be totally different. TOTALLY!

Ideas in tomorrow's post.

Yup, I am gonna start trying to blog again.

Y'all need to keep me on my toes!

Bedroom

Bathroom

Living area

Kitchen

2K

Co-op Owners.

Yup.

We closed and it's ours.

Renovations are happening soon.

Move in date ETA around January 2013.

West Village, here we come.