Even through another loss, I am trying to find the good that has come from it.
I will never understand why we have had to experience all of this pain but I do know it could be worse. It could always be worse.
Am I sad?
Am I angry?
Am I trying to move forward?
Yes, but only between long naps and little cries.
I need to change a lot before I become a mother.
I am not the best person that I can be.
I need to care more for the people I love than care about a career or people that won't care about me in a month.
I need to find my place in this world. And I think what is the hardest is still feeling so pregnant. Nauseated. Boobs are huge and sore. Peeing like a racehorse. Bah. Wednesday is my D&C, if Sandy allows it to happen still. xo Sum
Maybe you follow me more on Instagram, Facebook or even Twitter.
But, the latest news is:
A few weeks ago, at 7 weeks, Summer heard Baby B's heartbeat. Today at 10 weeks, the heartbeat was gone. Baby B died at 9 weeks. Please keep two of the strongest people in your hearts during yet another loss that they are forced to bear. And keep hope that the next heartbeat they hear lasts forever.
This was Baby B's first photo.
I heard it and tears rolled down my cheeks.
A due date.
Less than 10% chance of miscarriage.
But, Baby B's heart stopped somewhere in between 9 and 10 weeks.
We were so close to having that healthy baby we have hoped for.
1 ectopic. 2 D&C's.
Mine is scheduled for Wednesday.
I am really not sure why this keeps happening.
But we heard a heartbeat and Baby B grew more than the rest.