there are days that i wake up and i am ready to conquer the world. then there are days where i can only dream of sleeping forever.
sometimes i walk down a street and my mind is busy thinking of what wonderful things will come my way; i imagine all the great opportunities that will arise.
and then there are days where i walk by a playground and see kids playing, toys being thrown and sand flying. but the gate is what stands out to me the most. that gate is teasing me. it's saying 'you can't come in here. you don't have kids. move on.'
this is when i feel life is teasing me. i get knocked up to only lose it. or more like lose 3 +. it's not really fair. plain and simple.
this was a ramble.
something i needed to get out.
thank you for listening.
9 comments:
I feel your pain. xoxo Went into Babies R Us for Christmas gifts last week. I lost it. Some day those gates will be open for you!!!
love you, sweet lady. xoxo
It's not fair at all Summer, I hate that you have to so through this. One day it will be you though....
Hope you are managing in your temporary accommodation, bet you can't wait to move. So exciting!!
Thinking of you Xx
PS I have a great friend in NYC, her nearest park is Bleecker Playground :)
xoxo... one day you'll be inside those gates.
I remember what life was like for the little boy I lost 7 years ago, then I had my daughter, those moments sneak up every now & again & they suck still!
I will be praying for you that you do get you're chance to pass the gate & have that little one you & you're hubby long for <3
Oh Summer, I'm crying, for you, for your babies, for Adam, for how unfair it all seems, for how frustrating life is when we just try so hard to do the right thing and find our path.
I have those kind of days too, today in fact, I feel like I am asleep even though I'm sat at my desk managing to do things... but I know if I just get through today, tomorrow might be better. We still have hope, and I think thats why eventually, we'll both be conquering the world, and it won't know what's hit it.
Also, kick that damn gate! I would have, it doesn't mean any of those things, its just metal, it can take it :)
sending you love and hope, as always xxx
Praying for you! Your thoughts are so familiar to me from when I was struggling with infertility. After 7 years of trying we finally got lucky. My only note of caution is that I spent ALL of those year looking forward to when we had a child - the cars we bought, the house we bought for the school zone, and of course every trip was our 'last' kid free trip, etc... This probably won't make sense, but after my daughter was born I was unbelievably happy she here BUT there was an incredible sadness for the years I lost because I was only looking forward. I didn't realize how much I valued my pre-baby life until it was irrevocably gone! I spent the first few months of my daughter’s life mourning a life (and lifestyle) that I never realized I loved. Easier said than done, but try to enjoy today too!
those gates do look imposing, but they will open for you.
sending you so much love.
I hate knowing your heart aches. I don't understand why there are so many tests and obstacles along your journey. I just don't.
Quinney and I are trying to find a new church home. We went to one this morning that was very nice. We said a little prayer for your birth mom... hope she finds her way back. xoxo.
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