athena in the middle: November 2011

11.28.2011

Turkey Day -- Our Way.

Hi all!

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving weekend with their loved ones or solo or vacationing on some exotic island. :)

We spent it with our friends Rachael and Chris and their two daughters, Delilah and Noelle.

Rach outdid herself. The food was fabulous and my husband is STILL talking about her bird!

Such a good time and the kids were amazing.

Too bad I was TOOOO tired to really be myself.

Sweet Noelle.

Delilah helping Mom.

♥♥♥

My contribution to Turkey Day was a Grapple Pie.

And it was good but tasted more like rhubarb than grapes and apples.

This was my first time I tried this recipe and I was happy with it and kinda love making pie crusts.

DELISH.

We also had a Leftover Potluck Party aka an excuse to drink and eat with friends on Saturday.

The only photo I got all night was of this guy:

Cutest pup ever!

So . . .

What did you make this year???

Love,

Sums

11.23.2011

today

today i noticed his picture. and my heart dropped.

it happened all over again. the realization he is gone.

his hugs, his smile, his smell. forever.

i heard words to a song. it hit home.

they are on repeat in my head.

it's been a year and almost a month.

i am thankful for memories. but angry i cannot make more.

i am now sobbing and cannot stop. this is not drama, this is life.

this is my life now. the life where you are not in it.

the life that cancer stole from me.

stole you -- the greatest man i've ever known.

and although this life is filled with great things, the sadness i have

in my heart prevents me from really breathing it all in.

today i let the wall down a little and i let the emotions run in.

i am not sure i like letting the pain back in but realize it's apart of the healing

process. a process that will be ongoing until i meet you again.

and seeing you on that day, will be magical, like a movie.

i promise to try and remember the words. i promise to sing along and move my feet.
then i will try to feel the beat.
starting with my heart.

i love you, dad.

your baby girl,

summer athena

11.22.2011

Who You Gonna Call?

Below is my pastillage cake stand.

The theme we picked was -- movies.

I choose Ghostbusters because I thought it would be a fun theme to work with.

Much harder than expected but I finished on time and I was pretty happy with the end result.

Pastillage is a sugar that dries within minutes and can hold a 6 inch cake on top.

Pretty fantastic.

The small boxes in the front are cake favor boxes.

What do you think?

WHO YOU GONNA CALL??

Love,

Summer Athena

11.21.2011

Flowers you can eat?

HELLO!

Below are the sugar paste flowers that I made when Ron Ben-Israel visited our classroom at the French Culinary Institute.

So beautiful!

I cannot wait to do a cake and add these to the top!

Love,

Summer Athena

11.18.2011

Let's talk about friends.

(Friendship Bracelets from Honestly WTF)

Important note: this post is sincere and not calling anyone out. I love you all and feel sad that I don't have the time to be there right now.

****

I have been thinking a lot about my friendships as of late.

Some are as old as I, some started and ended faster than you could finish saying . . .

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, others were fast and furious and then died down when our interests changed, some were husband's friends, some came from the workplace or school and some you don't speak to on a daily basis but you know when you come back together that it will be like you never parted.

In the last few months, I have lost and gained friends.

Not 'lost' in a negative way, we just have lost touch -- a lot of it.

Some have moved onto others with common interests. Some have moved away.

Some have been with me every day and we share the exhaustion of trying to become something in the world of pastry. Some were TTC friends and now have babies. Some have latched on and won't let go. Some feel like sisters. Some got jealous and ugly and I am glad they went away. Some came through other friends and became family. Some are from childhood and will always be in my life. Some were my flesh and blood and the memory of them lives on in my heart.

I guess what I am getting at is, I miss my old friends that I don't speak to much anymore.

It takes two to make it work and I get that and with my schedule, who would want to be my friend? I am never around or available or awake enough to be there for anyone. Not even my husband. I am lucky if I see him for 3 hours a week.

Life happens and things change but sometimes I miss the old days where I visited, ate and drank, chatted, texted, emailed, snail mailed so many of you and my IRL friends.

Come March 12th, 2012 -- my graduation date, things will change and get back to normal for me.

I will be back and you better be ready.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Love,

Summer Athena B.

11.17.2011

Meeting the Sweet Genius, while opening up my heart and this post to questions.

HELLO!

I had a dear reader ask me to update my blog on my life, not just through photos but with words.

I guess I haven't done this in awhile due to a severe lack of time and because I don't want to show my vulnerability. That's pretty funny since that's what I've always done.

You see, I'm very happy with my new life but there are sad moments.

Too many, actually. It's all so bittersweet.

The life I'm living now is exciting, challenging, filled with creativity but at the same time, I'm physically and mentally exhausted. The food industry isn't for the weak. You have to on your game, ready to learn, ready to work, ready for the door that could open. I will get rest when school ends in March and that is fine with me.

For those that have followed me from the beginning and helped me through the 1st miscarriage that almost took my life and the 2nd after Daddy died, you know how vocal I used to be and I can understand why you are wondering why I no longer write about those personal things. I mean, I documented six failed IVFs? And now I only write about baking and school and NYC.

♥♥♥

So, here goes nothing:

I have a wall up.

My Father's death changed me in good and bad ways.

There are times I wonder if I am even meant to be a Mother.

I have not wanted to try for a baby since the last miscarriage and we haven't.

I still hurt when I hear pregnancy announcements, but can get over it easier than I used to.

I cannot watch LSU or the Saints play because I spoke to Daddy before, during and after.

Over the last year, I have fallen in and out of love.

I push forward and try hard to make something out of myself because the other choices are not good for me.

I am putting myself first. Finally.

I want another tattoo.

I miss my friends but keep everyone at arm's length because I am afraid to get close because I cannot handle losing someone else.

I miss home and want to move back and work as a Southern pastry chef.

The only thing(s) that makes me super unhappy about working to become a pastry chef are 1) my arches are always in pain and I lose circulation in my legs 2) carpal tunnel in my hands -- waking up and being unable to feel or move them.

Other than those things, I LOVE baking and creating and challenging myself with school projects and working in production for a company/restaurant that is nothing but amazing!

Okay, I think that is enough openness for now.

I think I am gonna open this post up to questions. Ask me anything and I will answer.

And now, I will leave you with this: